What’s normal?

All teens have emotional ups and downs - periods of moodiness, trouble with friends and feeling stressed about school. These are normal developmental challenges - a normal part of ‘growing up’. In most cases, if you offer your support, sensitivity and patience, your child figures things out.

But, we’re not living in ‘normal’ times are we?

When most of us were teens growing up, we didn’t have access to information 24/7. We didn’t have social media platforms as a means of communication. We didn’t have ‘followers’ or ‘likes’ to define our self-worth. We weren’t bullied or hated by strangers. We didn’t have a worldwide pandemic that took away our ability to socialize and celebrate ‘teenage milestones’ like school dances, first dates and graduation. It’s obvious that being a teen these days is anything but ‘normal.’

When and how to seek help.

Trust your gut. You know your child best.

Sometimes what seems like a normal adolescent difficulty can turn into something more serious. But how do you know? We know most parents find it challenging to communicate with their teen - it’s hard to get them to verbalize what they want for dinner - never mind trying to get them to open up about their feelings. The fact is most adolescents are unable to define their feelings or express verbally what’s ‘bothering’ them - it’s just a jumble of hormones, emotions and brain chemistry.

If something just doesn’t feel right, trust your instincts. Talk to your child’s teacher, close friends, relatives or coaches, etc., to see if they’ve noticed changes in your teen’s behaviour.

As parents, you can use observable behaviours to help decide what action you need to take by:

• Identify the behaviours that concern you (especially those lasting a few weeks or more)

• Speak to your child regarding your main concerns (no more than 3 and keep it brief)

• Listen to their response for an uninterrupted 3 minutes if you can

• Let your child know you will help work out difficult issues together

It’s natural to want to quickly jump in and try to problem-solve for them, but teens just need to know they’re being heard and understood. When you use phrases like, “I see this is hard for you” or “I notice you’ve been down lately” you are validating their experience. When your child feels heard, they are more receptive to talk about how to get through it.

Share this information with your pediatrician.

It’s always best to go and get things checked out if you’re not sure. Pediatricians are often very good at helping parents differentiate what is and isn’t normal, and can offer reassurance. Describe the behaviours that concern you. They will let you know when working with a therapist is a necessary or a helpful course of action.

It’s going to be okay.

Parents sometimes assume that mental health treatment will mean medication or hospitalization.

Every child is different and their treatment will need to address their unique symptoms - that may or may not include medication or in specific instances hospitalization. That’s why early identification and intervention is so critical. The most common treatment for teens who have mental health challenges is therapy. Within therapy teens can learn how to talk about their thoughts and feelings, how to respond to them, and how to learn new behaviours and coping skills.

You are not a failure as a parent if your teen needs professional help.

We need to destigmatize the idea of mental health treatment. Parents will immediately address physical injuries or ailments (like a broken ankle, ear infection, etc.,) and get the appropriate medical care for their child. But with emotional injuries or mental ailments (like grief, anxiety, depression, etc.,) there still seems to be a level of fear and shame in getting therapeutic support. We’re here to tell you that taking care of your child’s mental health is just as important as having a healthy body. Addressing mental health challenges and developing healthy self-care habits from an earlier age can help teens manage future life stressors - and reach their full potential - while reducing the risk of developing health conditions like high-blood pressure and heart disease in their adult years.

“Every day in a hundred small ways our children ask, ‘Do you see me? Do you hear me? Do I matter? Their behaviour often reflects our response.”

L.R. KNOST