What’s normal?

We all have our ups and downs - periods of stress, trouble in our relationships, dips in our work performance. These are the normal challenges of life that we all experience. In most cases, we think of it as ‘going through a rough patch.’ It’s when you lie awake at night, wondering why you can’t be as ‘in control’ as you should be and hide how you’re ‘really’ doing, that things become a problem.

It’s important to know that you are not alone.

We know it can be very difficult to admit you are struggling. Many men do not want to ask for help because they are afraid of looking weak or stupid. We want you to know that your internal struggles are just as valid as any other struggle, and these do not make you any less of a man.

In fact, mental health issues are a lot more common that you may think. Mental illness is experienced by 1 in 3 Canadians during their lifetime. Many Canadians are affected by it either directly or indirectly through family, friends or colleagues. While rates of mental illness are comparable between men and women, men are less likely to recognize, talk about, and seek treatment for their illness. Yet, up to 10 per cent of men experience paternal postpartum depression, and among Canadians of all ages, four of every five suicides are male.

When and how to seek help.

Sometimes, even if you know you need help, it can be tough to know where to start.

Mental illness is not the same as feeling overwhelmed by a difficult situation. It is a normal to feel distressed by a job loss, a breakup, or a sudden change in circumstance like moving to a new area, starting a new job, or going through a divorce. Most of us are eventually able to regain a healthy balance in our lives after these kinds of experiences. But, for those struggling with their mental health, the feelings that come from these kinds of stressful life events are so intense and prolonged that they may not be able to cope with the simplest aspects of everyday life.

Signs men ignore that could indicate mental health issues:

• Headaches / migraines;

• Digestive problems like irritable bowel syndrome;

• Chronic pain;

• Increased reliance / abuse of drugs or alcohol;

• Irritability, verbal abusiveness, increased hostility;

• High-risk activities like speeding, womanizing, cheating;

• Unhealthy patterns of functioning like overworking, not sleeping, eating junk food,. etc.;

• Change in sexual interest or performance.

Share your concerns with your doctor.

Mental health is just as important as physical health, and they both directly affect the other. People with physical problems often experience anxiety or depression, which affects their recovery. Similarly, mental health factors can increase the risk of developing physical problems - which can start off as headaches, digestive problems and back pain - and turn into something more serious like diabetes or heart disease. Describe the symptoms or issues that concern you. Your doctor will be able to help you differentiate what is and isn’t normal. They will let you know when working with a therapist is a necessary or helpful course of action.

It’s going to be okay.

You are not a failure if you seek professional help.

Things unravel when when left untreated. But that doesn’t mean that it becomes too late. Addressing mental health challenges and developing healthy self-care habits will help you manage life stressors in the future. Think of it this way… we will immediately address physical injuries or ailments (like a broken ankle or high blood pressure) and get the appropriate medical care (like a cast or medication). But with emotional injuries or mental ailments (like grief, anxiety, depression, etc.,) there still seems to be a level of fear and shame in getting therapeutic support. But there’s nothing to be ashamed of. The wirings of your brain are not your fault and there is something you can do about it.

What’s a therapist going to tell you that you don’t already know?

The most common treatment for those who have mental health issues is therapy. Within therapy you can learn how to talk about your thoughts and feelings, how to respond to them, and learn new behaviours and coping skills.

When you are able to talk about your problems, they become smaller with less hold over your life. When you are able to respond your emotions - without shame - you weaken the destructive behaviours that control your life. When you are able to identify your triggers and warning signs, you can learn how to cope with life’s challenges in a positive and healthy way.

“ Since that day [I opened up about my emotions], it’s just been so much easier to live and so much easier to enjoy life.”

MICHAEL PHELPS