Is it Anxiety or Typical Kid Behaviour?
Q&A with a Registered Social Worker
Image by: Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
This week we are talking to Registered Social Worker, Kate Brockbank about how to tell the difference between your child experiencing Anxiety or typical kid behaviour.
Q: What is anxiety in kids?
A: Essentially, anxiety stems from the fear of the unknown. Predictably, children will find different things scary then adults will. The American Psychological Association defines anxiety as an emotional state that is characterized by feelings of tension, worry, and even physical changes such as increased blood pressure. People who are anxious may avoid situations that are causing them anxiety, and may begin to tremble, feel dizzy, or have a rapid heartbeat when they encounter the subject that is making them anxious.
It is very typical for children to experience some forms of anxiety as they grow. There are the normal stressors that they must face—presenting for the first time in front of their class, jumping into a swimming pool, receiving judgement from peers—the list goes on. The tipping point where parents may wonder whether their child’s reactions are just a bit too anxious is very situational in nature. Oftentimes, after a child is exposed to the source of their anxiety (perhaps repeatedly, and with support), their anxiety will often decrease as they begin to realize that their anxious response is not warranted. Anxiety in children is very dependent on how their parent or guardian interacts with their anxious child. If the parent reinforces this anxious response, then anxiety can worsen into adulthood.
Q: What are the types of anxiety that kids can experience?
A: Some common forms of anxiety in children can include (but are not limited to) the following:
Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
A lot of anxiety focuses on one particular subject, or a variety of subjects, however children with GAD experience worry almost all the time and in any situation.
Usually, instead of their worry reducing as a subject is removed, the worry itself just shifts to something else.
Children with GAD will try excessively to avoid situations and will often be chronically restless, have muscle tension, and have sleep disturbances.
As you can imagine, this will affect how a child functions in everyday life, their schooling, and their ability to form and maintain relationships.
Girls are twice as likely to have GAD then boys.
Although it is often cited that an individual may experience a panic attack throughout their lives, this does not mean they have panic disorder.
To meet the criteria for panic disorder, an individual must have excessive anxiety about having another panic attack.
It is often said that panic attacks are an early indicator of larger disorders, but this does not mean that if your child has a panic attack that they will go onto develop a mental disorder (such as Agoraphobia)
Panic disorder is more prevalent in children who struggle with low self-esteem, depression, and poor school performance.
Social Anxiety Disorder (Social Phobia)
Social anxiety is like a specific phobia, but the focus of the phobia is social situations.
In children who have social anxiety, when they are placed in a social situation they may tremble, perspire, feel dizzy, cry, or have heart palpitations. Children will experience excessive worry about how others in the social setting will perceive them.
I wanted to mention social anxiety here because it is one of the disorders that is most likely to impact a child's functioning in life.
Without proper management, children and adolescents who have social anxiety disorder are more likely to develop substance abuse dependencies in adulthood, to combat their fears.
Q: How do I know if it is anxiety or 'typical' kid behaviour? (For a child, for a tween, for a teen)
A: As with many of the answers to these types of questions, it really depends on your particular child. In some children, they might display typical behaviours that would be labeled as anxious in another child. It is very situational in nature. Let’s take a look at the different age groups…
Children under 10 years old:
If you have a child who you believe could be suffering from anxiety, remember that—to some extent—it is normal for children to experience varying levels of anxiety in response to life experiences. It’s all part of the process of growing up. For example, if your child fell off a bike while they were riding in a park full of people, they may not want to return to the park, or ride their bike in front of other people. Some parents may be tempted to classify this as social anxiety. If this behaviour persists for a long period of time, this could be true. However, it could also be a normal anxious response to an embarrassing situation that the child feels uncomfortable confronting.
Tweens (ages 11-14):
Usually, anxiety in this age group focuses on some of the more social aspects of aging. This could include anxiety about making new friends on the first day of school, joining a new extra-curricular group, or starting high school. It’s typical for tweens to be anxious about these events. It’s when your child starts to experience panic, or when they try to avoid the experiences in the extreme extent, where their behavior may change from typical to anxious.
Teens (ages 15-19):
Unlike the younger age groups, teens as pretty good at pinpointing the sources of their anxiety with accuracy. With your teens, they may be anxious about conventional life events, such as high school ending, worries about the future, fear of growing up, money problems, and getting their first job. As parents, you will be able to see how teens feels about certain life events by the way that they talk about themselves and their experiences.
Q: What are the signs or symptoms of anxiety that my child might show?
A: Typical behaviors to watch out for can include...
Withdrawing/avoiding particular events, situations, people, or things.
“Flooding” - also known as crying at the drop of a hat.
Symptoms of panic (like I mentioned before), this could include stomach-ache, heart palpitations, chest pains, sweating, and trembling.
Unwarranted and repetitive aggressive or oppositional behaviors
Q: How can anxiety affect my child if not addressed?
A: Anxiety that goes unaddressed in a child’s life can affect their self-schema, how they view themselves and their capabilities, and can inhibit their ability to develop a strong foundation to grow into adulthood. Anxiety can also prevent children from meeting important developmental milestones, such as making friends and having different experiences. Specifically, it can affect their markers of independence. For example, as children grow into adolescents, there is typically events that they will go through that marks them as becoming more independent. This could be joining an extra-curricular group or a sport, babysitting younger children, or learning how to drive. Anxious tendencies can prevent these events from happening.
Q: If you’re a parent who struggles with anxiety themselves, how can parents prevent their anxiety from rubbing off on their children?
A: I will say this straight away—if you have anxiety as a parent, that does not mean that you are failing your child, or that you child will automatically become anxious as well. Although it may sound selfish, take care of yourself first. Managing yourself and your reactions is pivotal in preventing your child from observing and mirroring your anxious reactions. It may feel counter-intuitive to encourage your child to not be anxious in situations that you yourself would feel anxious in. For example, if you have a fear of large dogs, it may feel horrible to encourage your child to not have that fear, and safely approach a larger dog (with the owner's consent). If you child is also afraid of large dogs, you can transfer your coping skills to your child and co-regulate with them.
Q: Do you have any tips on how to reduce anxious symptoms in children?
A: For children experiencing anxiety in the moment, deep breathing techniques can be helpful to reduce the physical symptoms such as heart palpitations and dizziness. This can help the body calm down and allow the child to get a grip of their emotions.
Another activity that I like to use in sessions, and that I often teach to parents, is learning how to reframe our responses to anxiety. Let’s unpack an anxious response together…
Scenario:
Your daughter Alexis has extreme anxiety about presenting at school. Alexis is in grade 9, and has presented before, but still has anxiety around the act of appearing in front of her peers in a presentation setting. Alexis has had problems sleeping since the presentation was assigned and has been more and more anxious as the presentation date approaches. It is affecting her performance in other classes, and she has little desire to do some of the activities that she liked to do before.
To help Alexis get a grip on her anxious response, you decide to do this exercise with her. Together, you and Alexis write out the following headings: “In my control,” Out of my control,” and “Area of influence.” You get Alexis to fill out these sections with your assistance regarding her presentation next week. After Alexis is done, her paper may look something like this:
In my control:
How much I practice.
How well I put the PowerPoint slides together.
My place presenting.
How prepared I am (technology, cue cards, etc.)
My response to the presentation leading up to the date.
Out of my control:
How my friends view my presentation
My teacher’s reaction
The grade I receive.
Area of influence:
I can ask someone for help setting up so I can reduce technology problems.
I can go early to class to make sure I will not have any problems with attendance and I have time to prepare the day of.
I can let my teacher know that I am particularly nervous about presenting.
I can talk to my teacher after about how my presentation went.
By completing this exercise, either verbally or on paper, it allows for children to tangibly see where their anxiety might be coming from, and how they can control their responses. It allows them to understand and come to terms with things that are “out of their control” and focus instead on their “area of influence.”
Q: What are some things that a social worker, counsellor, or therapist can do to help?
A: A therapist can help break down anxiety, and the way that it surfaces in children. Sometimes it can be especially difficult to pinpoint the triggers of anxiety in children because they may have trouble thinking introspectively. This can lead parents to feel helpless in the face of their anxious child. Therapists can help parents to acknowledge these triggers and develop the appropriate coping strategies that work well for their particular child. Therapists can also help families to develop more affirmative language about mental health, so that children feel less ostracized if they are the only ones struggling with anxiety. Being supportive is key!
Q: When is it time to see a professional?
A: In alignment with the previous question, if you are the parent or the guardian of a child who has anxiety, and you find it extremely difficult to try to determine where this anxiety is stemming from, it can be beneficial to seek therapeutic support.
Whatever it is, we’re here for you.
Life is uncertain. Jobs are stressful. Parenting is hard. Relationships take work. Families can be dysfunctional. And, sometimes love hurts. When you’re confronted by feelings, events, or issues that are making your life challenging, it’s okay to ask for some help.
