Dispelling Myths about Child Mental Health
Q&A with a Registered Social Worker
Image by: 🇸🇮 Janko Ferlič on Unsplash
This week we are talking to registered Social Worker, Kate Brockbank about Dispelling Myths about Child Mental Health. Many of us hold certain outlooks surrounding mental health, whether we are aware of them or not. This week, Kate challenged some of those beliefs.
Myth: Children do not experience mental health problems.
Kate: This myth makes me laugh when I hear it. In reality, it is quite the opposite—children do experience mental health problems. I have often heard it mentioned colloquially that children are “sponges.” I tend to agree with this, as children can become the product of their environment and their early childhood experiences. The experiences that they have in their early life can lead children to act in certain ways in their childhood and affects their functioning as adults. Oftentimes children learn to internalize their feelings if they are in an environment where support is not easy to access (from parents, siblings, close family/friends).
Myth: My child’s problem is just a phase or is for attention-seeking.
Kate: This myth is a little bit more situational in nature. As parents and guardians, it is important to be able to decipher the function of your child’s actions. Like I mentioned last week in our Q&A about recognizing the signs of mental illness in children, as much as you can, try to identify what might be causing your child to act the way they do.
Perhaps it is attention-seeking for a frivolous matter, but perhaps it is something more. If your child’s behavior is the result of a mental health concern, attributing it to something else can minimize your child’s problems, and teach them to hide or conceal their true feelings. It will make your child learn that their feelings do not matter, and that you are not a safe space for them to come to in order to feel supported. This often happenings in situations when children experience bullying at school.
It can be difficult for parents to know what is causing their child’s behavior to change. For example, let’s say that you have a son named Jonathan who is in grade school, and recently started getting bullied at recess. He has not told you about this because he is ashamed and scared of your reaction. Jon is playing with his younger sister, and she takes his favourite Lego from him. Jon has an aggressive outburst, unlike his typical behavior while playing. It can be easy for parents to attribute Jon’s actions to the situation, but it is important to be aware of why Jon acted this way. Why did he react with such aggression? What caused him to react more aggressively in this moment? Is he just being self-centered? As parents, knowing the real reason why this reaction occurred is vital to supporting your child in the best way possible.
Myth: A child with a mental health disorder is damaged for life.
Kate: This is definitely not true at all. Having a mental health disorder is not a life sentence. The interesting thing about mental illness is that it will look very different in various stages of life. Just like people go through periods of ups and downs, so do mental illnesses.
The one aspect that frustrates me when I hear this particular myth is that it perpetuates a negative outlook on those struggling with mental illness. If we look at mental health disorders as something terrible that we are unable to escape—something that “ruins our lives”—then we make it more challenging to overcome. Having this outlook then makes it even more debilitating for children and adults living with mental illness. Instead, we need to flip this myth on its head and begin to view our experiences with mental illness as empowering. Instead of: “my life is ruined because I suffered from depression,” we can switch to: “my experience with depression taught me so many things about myself that I would have never known before.”
For children, an open dialogue about mental illness must start in the home. Children will look to parents and guardians to see their views on the subject.
Myth: Mental health problems result from personal weakness.
Kate: This is another myth that perpetuates mental illness in a derogatory light. In line with my comments on the previous myth, labelling mental illness as a “weakness” is extremely detrimental to those struggling. This label implies a sense of hierarchy and does not consider everyone’s lived experiences. Each unique child can go through extremely different experiences and implying that their reaction to these events is the result of personal weakness is very unfair.
Who are we to judge a person’s strength and personal resilience?
Myth: Mental health issues result from bad parenting.
Kate: This is a very multi-layered subject. The short answer that I can say is – not always. It is no doubt that family dynamics and relationships have a huge impact on child development and contributes to mental health concerns and the growth of a positive outlook. I will say that some children do develop mental health issues as a result of neglect, abuse, and verbal mistreatment from their parents. However, the blanket statement of “my mental health issues are the result of my parents’ bad parenting” does not apply to all situations.
Many parents are simply not aware of what is happening with their children. Unfortunately, there is no perfect guidebook that outlines how to be the best parent to your particular child. Sometimes life happens and parents are caught up with balancing their own problems while also trying to raise a child. Like I mentioned previously, I think it’s the most important to open up a dialogue with your child about mental health. And if you cannot do this for your child, outsourcing help for your child in the form of counselling or therapy can be extremely valuable.
Myth: I can help my child manage their mental health disorders by helping them with their willpower.
A: Just like the previous myth of mental health problems resulting from personal weakness, this myth holds the same kind of outlook. The connotation of “willpower” denotes a feeling of hierarchy with “strong” children on top and “weak” children on the bottom. Especially with children, many of the experiences that will affect them has little to do with their own personal agency.
For example, some children may develop mental health concerns because of their parents separating, but this event had little to do with them. In relation to willpower, saying to a child, “you’re just not trying hard enough to move on” can flip the problem that they are coping with onto them. It is now their fault. In reality, they are just involuntarily reacting to events around them.
Myth: Therapy for kids is a waste of time.
Kate: I’m sure it will not surprise you when I say this myth is entirely untrue. Therapy can be an extremely beneficial experience for children struggling with mental illness. Therapy can provide the safe space to speak about a child’s experiences without judgement or fear of censure. It can also provide both children and parents with the right tools and coping skills to deal with mental illness on a regular basis.
Myth: Children are overmedicated.
Kate: In a way, I can see how people would feel this way, but I believe that this statement is a generalization at best. Medication to combat mental illness is not a bad thing all the time. Likewise, an individual’s reaction to medications is different for each person. Depending on the type of illness leads to whether a child should be placed on medication. However, having extra psychological help to cope with the illness, or the effects of the medication can be extremely helpful to children and adults alike.
Myth: Children grow out of mental health problems.
Kate: Again, the nature of mental illness is too situational to be explained by this statement. For some mental health problems, you may cope better as you age. For example, coping with anxiety can improve with age as a child learns that some experiences do not warrant such anxious responses. Children who have phobias in childhood may “grow out” of their phobia as they come in contact with the source of their fear and begin to realize that it is not as scary as they once thought.
Depression, on the other hand, may be a bit more difficult. The idea that a mental illness is something that a child needs to “conquer” and “move on” from is not beneficial. Like I mentioned at the beginning of this discussion, mental illness has its up’s and down’s. This is the difference between a results-oriented outlook and a values-oriented outlook. When you are continuously looking to maximize results, if a relapse occurs, a child may be unable to cope with the repercussions. Their self-concept will be shattered because they have “failed.” As a parent, it is important to communicate to your child a values-oriented outlook, meaning that no matter what stage they are in, they are still worthy of love, support, and affection.
Whatever it is, we’re here for you.
Life is uncertain. Jobs are stressful. Parenting is hard. Relationships take work. Families can be dysfunctional. And, sometimes love hurts. When you’re confronted by feelings, events, or issues that are making your life challenging, it’s okay to ask for some help.
