Reunification Therapy

Improve the quality of your parent-child relationship.

What is reunification therapy?

Reunification therapy OR reconciliation therapy, is a highly specialized type of therapy that addresses parent child contact problems following a separation or divorce. This is a complex and involved intervention that requires regular participation from the whole family.

We can help you resolve your issues in a healthier, more constructive way.

  • We offer IN-PERSON counselling sessions at one of our two locations: Burlington, Ontario or Oakville Ontario.

    We also offer VIRTUAL counselling sessions either by secure VIDEO or by PHONE.

  • BURLINGTON

    414 Pearl Street, Unit 11
    Village Square, Burlington, ON L7R 2N1

    OAKVILLE

    775 Pacific Road, Unit 34
    Oakville, ON L6L 6M4

  • SPECIALIZED SERVICES

    REUNIFICATION THERAPY

    FEES: $250+ CDN per hour*

    PLEASE NOTE:

    Many extended health benefit programs will cover the cost of counselling with a Registered Social Worker. Please check with your insurance provider.

    Additionally, services provided by a Registered Social Worker are tax deductible as a medical expense.

“Extensive national and international studies have revealed that children of divorce generally show better outcomes on measures of emotional, behavioural, psychological, physical and academic well-being when they maintain close emotional bonds, frequent contact and quality relationships with both parents.”

SHELY POLAK

There are many reasons why a parent may become estranged from their child(ren). Perhaps the divorce was high conflict, or the previous spouse is making contact difficult, or perhaps the child is making excuses as to why they don’t want to see their parent. Whatever the specific reason, reunification therapy is specifically about reunifying parents and children and improving the quality of the parent-child relationship.

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken [adults].”

FREDERICK DOUGLASS

Why consider reunification therapy?

Reunification therapy accepts that there will be different versions of the past events that led to this intervention but the focus is on moving the family forward.

In cases where there is genuine alienation between parent and child, a court may order reunification therapy. Recent rulings from the Ontario Superior Court have given the court the power under the federal Divorce Act and the Children’s Law Reform Act to order reunification (reconciliation) therapy for children alienated from a parent.

Reunification (reconciliation) therapy has become an important tool for lawyers and judges in trying to bring children and parent relationships back to a healthy place. Since the courts have an underlying duty to promote the best interests of the child, judges seem to be routinely making orders for reunification therapy. Generally, reunification therapy is ordered in one of three situations: when there has been alienation by one parent; where a child indicates an extreme preference to be with one parent and has aligned their views to be consistent with that parent’s; or there can be cases of reasonable estrangement.

Source: Law Times News Clarity around reunification therapy orders provided

While each parent may disagree on the cause and reasons for the disconnect, they must agree that the common goal is to improve and repair the relationship between parents and children. It is not about rehashing past issues from the marriage.

THE GOALS OF REUNIFICATION THERAPY ARE:

  • To minimize a child’s alignment with one parent over another

  • To assist parents to fully understand the needs of each child

  • To implement parenting and communication skills for both parents

  • To help each parent distinguish valid concerns from negative views relating to the other parent

  • To put plans in place to manage challenging co-parenting situations for years to come

  • To facilitate parenting time where appropriate

What is the process of reunification therapy?

This type of counselling involves the whole family and both caregivers and the child(ren) are expected to participate. The circumstances that contribute to parent/child contact problems are multiple, complex and layered and it can take several months of in depth - and sometimes intensive - therapeutic work. You and your family needs to be prepared to commit to this process.

PHASE 1

UNDERSTAND THE GOAL AND IDENTIFY THE OBJECTIVES

Parents agree to work towards the common goal and agree to collaboration instead of confrontation.

Children who have parents continually fighting, manipulating, and undermining each other generate unnecessary mental health problems in their children such as oppositional behavior, anxiety, and depression. Before this process can begin, all parties need to agree to try it and work towards what is in the best interest of the child, not either parent. Having a relationship, however distant it might be, with both parents is ideal. When parents unite by putting their differences aside so they can effectively work together on parenting, the child thrives. Each parent must be willing to be a part of the solution to meet these objectives:

• To restore and/or facilitate a relationship between the estranged parent and the child(ren)

• To uncover and attempt to resolve the reasons for resistance to visitation

• To fully understand the needs of each child

• Identify any repercussions from the disconnection that the child may be experiencing

• Improving parenting skills and family communication skills through respect and integrity

• Facilitating opportunities for parenting time (where appropriate)

PHASE 2

GET EVERYONE’S BUY-IN AND PERSPECTIVES

Your child needs to give their permission to begin therapy.

This might take some encouraging, empathetic listening, and motivational interviewing skills before things can proceed. It is not ok to start this without the child’s permission. There are few things a child can control, but their therapeutic process should be one of them.

Your family needs to voice their concerns and express their feelings.

During this phase of therapy, there are no joint sessions. Ideally, each party has their own private session to discuss their concerns, objections, hopes, goals, past failures, and successes. This can take one or several individual sessions per person depending on the following issues:

Past Trauma. If there has been significant unhealed trauma, this should be resolved before beginning the reconciliation process as unresolved trauma could sabotage and/or delay the process even further.

Attachment Issues. Due to feelings of abandonment by one parent, some children develop a significant bond with the parent who remained. This can result in a loyalty bond in which the child feels like they will be betraying the parent who cared for them if they engage in a relationship with the other parent. This must be addressed and sometimes worked out in therapy between said the child and parent before introducing the estranged parent.

Mental Health Issues. Everyone involved should be evaluated for any particular mental health concerns. For instance, a person with depression should be assessed regularly during the reconciliation process to ensure that it does not worsen.

PHASE 3

LAYING THE GROUNDWORK FOR JOINT SESSIONS

Individually, the parent and child will discuss what the first and subsequent joint sessions will include.

It usually takes three individual sessions of the child and estranged parent before the joint sessions can begin. This allows time for anxieties to be tempered, depression to be monitored, and any additional unknown traumas to surface. The idea is that the first session together should go as anticipated by all parties as if it was scripted and then performed. There should be no surprises about the conversation, where everyone is going to sit, how long it will last, and how to end things if they don’t go well. To ensure this process, several items are addressed including:

The rules and boundaries of the session. There should be a list of what will and won’t be done in the session. Most of the rules and boundaries are for the child, not the parent, thereby helping the child to feel as if they have more control over the process.

How to start communication. The parent needs some instruction as to how best to communicate with their child so the child feels safe at all times.

No promises. A common error is for the parent to offer the child some desired item if they agree to meet with the parent outside of therapy. This is a big NO.

Court-ordered items. When this is a court-ordered therapeutic process, the therapy is catered to whatever was ordered. This might dictate the number of sessions, the involvement of each party, and/or reporting back to a court official as to the progress.

Expectations of therapy. At the end of this process and during the initial joint session, each party will have expectations about what is to be accomplished. While it might not actually happen as anticipated, they do need to be discussed.

PHASE 4

JOINT SESSIONS

The first session is like a meet and greet and acts as a foundational session where the groundwork of trust can be laid in a safe environment with the fear of negative consequences.

The first joint session. The first session is usually so well planned that happens seamlessly, whereas the next sessions tend to be more therapeutic. The goal is to introduce, demonstrate a willingness to maintain boundaries and a safe environment.

Subsequent joint sessions. The next sessions are more directive and allow the child to confront the estranged parent (if they want) and talk about the things they are angry about. The parent is to hear the child, acknowledge their wrongdoing, and ask for forgiveness. This can take one or more sessions depending on the nature of the child’s issues.

Last joint session. After all of the anger, fear, and guilt has been addressed, the last joint session is all about how to proceed going forward. Ideally, the child and formerly estranged parent have come to a resolution that satisfies them both, and hopefully, this is mutually agreed upon with the other parent and signed off by the therapist and/or the court.

PHASE 5

FOLLOW UP SESSION(S)

By neglecting this last step, old habits and behaviours tend to arise that can harm the relationship moving forward.

Once the process is complete, it is beneficial for all parties to do a therapeutic check-in periodically to ensure that everyone is still doing well. A willingness to continue to work towards reconciliation and reunification takes time and should be rushed. Eventually, the benefits of working diligently through the process at your child’s pace will lay the foundation for trust that can help to rebuild your relationship.

We’re here to help your family through this difficult transition.

We are one of a handful of professionals - in our region - who offer therapeutic support for families who need guidance navigating separation, divorce and co-parenting. The specialized services we offer are uniquely designed with healthy family relationships in mind.

Our specialized separation, divorce and co-parenting services are provided by Registered Social Worker and Accredited Family Mediator, Stefanie Peachey and specially trained members of our therapy team. Each member has their own specialties and experience and has been carefully selected to ensure that the right level of expertise and commitment is here for you.

Let’s talk about how we can help you.

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