When Parents Separate Group for Kids
Q&A with a Registered Social Worker
How do you support your kids through the difficult transition of separation and divorce?
Kate Brockbank (RSW) runs our When Parents Separate group program for kids. We sat down with Kate to give us some of the benefits of this group, and why a group of this nature could benefit children whose parents are separated or divorced.
Q: What is the separation and divorce group?
A: This group is for kids ages 7-11 who have parents going through a separation or divorce. It is more so a support group versus formal, clinical counselling when offering support to the children participating. We will discuss how to navigate this change; however, a key component of this group is for kids of the same age to be around others going through the same situation. It will be a space to validate their emotions from their perspective and participate in activities geared towards normalizing these changes, offering solutions, and developing coping skills equipping them to handle these changes. The group will run for six weeks. We will discuss various topics and how they relate to the emotions of having your parents separate or divorce one another.
Q: Who will most benefit from a group like this and why?
A: We are working with a child-centred approach when it comes to the setup of this group. We want to hear the child's voice in all this, as it can sometimes get lost when the adults are dealing with the logistics of the separation or divorce. Kids take on a lot of environmental-based stress, and there is a lot of that when it comes to separation and divorce. Things such as moving homes, witnessing parental emotions, and new routines emphasize how difficult the experience of separation and divorce really is for kids.
When Parents Separate would also benefit those who have trouble with transitions and openly processing their feelings. Kids may be closed off from the idea of their parents separating, especially if the separation happened more recently. Before these feelings manifest, it would be great for parents to let their children openly discuss their feelings in a safe space, reassuring them that they are not alone and that things will get better with time.
Q: Why should parents consider signing their kids up for this kind of therapeutic group?
A: If parents feel their children are behaving in specific ways when speaking of the separation or divorce, such as out of character emotions, withdrawing, avoiding, or becoming angry, it may benefit them to be in this group environment. These emotions may mean that the children are not coping well with the fact that the separation or divorce is happening. The group also allows kids to meet other kids going through a similar situation. This will enable conversations about the situations they all find themselves in, as it is helpful to have an outside perspective when discussing family matters. Sometimes kids will not want to be honest with their parents because it may hurt their feelings. Also, it may feel scary to witness parental stress in times of separation and divorce, and kids are worried they will add to it.
Q: What types of strategies and topics are discussed?
A: We focus on balancing practical strategies and the organizational aspects of what it looks like to be in this new situation. The practical approach will revolve around emotions, fears, and the anxiety surrounding being in this situation. The organizational focus will focus on the changes and how to navigate them. For example, the group will discuss how to be organized to ensure they go from one parent’s house to another and whether kids need a comfort item or toy to help them. We will also discuss how kids can work with their parents collectively to ensure communication is productive for everyone.
We also will work on identifying resources that kids already have, such as other family members, teachers, coaches, etc. These individuals can help support kids through this process, and kids must know that these resources are available to them. Ultimately, we will provide a space for emotions to be validated given the circumstances. Building connections with other kids going through the same thing was also validating and providing them with the opportunity to know what they feel is normal and okay.
Q: If parents are interested in the group, can they schedule a session with you to discuss more?
A: Yes! This is a great way to give insights into any concerns. It is also good to know if there are concerns that families are experiencing, such as bickering with siblings, becoming territorial, being unfamiliar when new people join the family, etc. Knowing these concerns exists can allow us to cater to specific experiences. It would also allow me to tailor activities to the most beneficial participants.
Q: What can participants and parents expect to get out of this workshop? What are the next steps?
A: Ultimately, the purpose of this group is to let the kids know that they are supported, and their emotions regarding separation and divorce are validated. Additionally, the group will allow kids to learn how to manage their emotions effectively and honestly understand that they can make it work although the divorce or separation has occurred. The skills learned can help them in a more developmental state before entering their teenage years.
In terms of the next steps, we want to promote practical steps to ensure their parental relationships are healthy and that communication is not limited due to feeling a certain way. Hopefully, this can be shared at home so parents and kids alike can speak to the strategies learned and put them in action to ensure consistent messaging within all households. At the end of the program, being supported is the most crucial goal for the participants and the overall goal of this workshop.
FOR MORE INFO: VISIT WHEN PARENTS SEPARATE: THERAPEUTIC GROUP FOR KIDS
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