What To Do When You Hate Your Job But Can’t Afford To Quit
Q&A with a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) about Workplace Mental Health
We spoke to Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) Kirsten Davidson about workplace mental health and what to do if you ‘hate’ your job but can’t afford to quit. Kirsten offers counselling services for individuals, couples, and families. Kirsten works with teens, adults, and seniors as they cope with stressful situations and difficult life events, such as relationship concerns, trauma, and the impact of other’s addictions. She also is a member of our Mental Health in the Workplace team.
Q: What is a toxic work environment?
An emotionally toxic work environment, whether physical (in a workspace) or virtual (remote or online), often stems from a lack of emotional safety.
Emotional safety at work can be defined as being able to trust co-workers and higher-ups and feeling empowered, supported, and valued by one another.
A lack of emotional safety in the workplace can look like shaming, blaming, or singling out staff when mistakes are made. It can also be seen when workplace successes are not recognized nor appreciated. These fear-based environments often come with power struggles and facilitate bullying.
Lack of emotional safety can also look like overworking employees. This often happens when there are low levels of compassion and/or caring for employees’ emotional and physical bandwidths. When workplaces put the needs of the company above the needs of the individuals that make up the company, they fail to recognize that this can hinder productivity, let alone the work culture.
Q: What are some symptoms of a toxic work environment?
Here are a few symptoms of a toxic work environment that are common or that re-occur in many fields of work:
Burnout: This can be defined as emotional and/or physical fatigue based on the nature of the job. For example, taking on more demands and working past your set hours will take very different tolls on the body of an individual working in manual labour compared to a desk job. Overworking aside, being bullied or taken advantage of can have significantly negative psychological impacts, no matter the nature of the job.
Feelings of worthlessness and/or self-doubt: If you are being chronically criticized, undervalued, or disrespected at work, you’ll likely begin to question your self-worth and competency. This questioning usually translates outside of work as well.
Resentment: This happens when employees harbour anger about the injustices of a toxic work environment. This tends to occur when an employee is emotionally and/or physically worn down by the culture.
Low levels of investment at work: ‘Learned helplessness’ generally reduces our investment in the work we produce. This is when you stop caring or trying to create good work because you feel your efforts do not make a difference. In contrast, work cultures based on growth versus fear can increase employees’ passion and productivity.
Poor overall life satisfaction: Those operating in toxic work environments often experience anxiety and depression, both of which get brought home after hours. It is crucial to recognize that since most people spend 70% of their lifetimes working, a toxic work environment = a mostly toxic lifestyle.
Q: How can a toxic work environment impact my health (mental and physical)?
It is important to consider mind-body connectedness when evaluating how a toxic work environment influences your overall health.
Mental and physical consequences cannot exist in isolation since they reinforce one another. If you are experiencing emotional burnout, you are predisposed to physical burnout. In turn, if you are predisposed to physical burnout, this leads to a higher risk of emotional burnout.
For example, when an employee is under chronic psychological stress at work, a stress hormone called cortisol is released. This hormone, in turn, puts strain on the physical body, impacting everything from sleep, weight, cardiovascular health, and even lifespan. We see the cycle come back around when physical health issues reduce our emotional resiliency.
Q: Why do I feel so trapped in my job?
For my clients who struggle with toxic work environments, I’ve related their experiences to ‘the cycle of violence.’
This cycle was developed in application to intimate partner violence: emotional, verbal, physical, sexual, and/or financial abuse in romantic relationships. The cycle includes the following phases: (1) calm, (2) tension building, (3) violence, and (4) make-up/honeymoon. The calm and make-up phases can help to explain why people get stuck in their toxic work environments since it’s not all bad.
In the context of a toxic workplace, individuals sometimes rationalize this cycle since they are ‘cashing out,’ getting paid. However, just because you are getting compensated for experiencing abuse, does not justify the toxic work environment. The same way that it can be extremely difficult to leave an abusive relationship, it can be just as so to leave an abusive job. It takes logistic and emotional preparation to leave any significant relationship – work or otherwise.
Q: What should I do before quitting my job?
Before quitting, it’s important first to try communicating boundaries and expectations at work.
When we feel emotionally unsafe at work, we want to give our higher-ups and colleagues a chance to support us and honour our boundaries to promote emotional safety. If communicating these boundaries and expectations lead to further or unresolved issues, then it might be time to consider whether this is the right workplace for you.
In this stage, it could be beneficial to compare the potential cons of staying at the job to the potential cons of leaving and the possible pros of staying versus the potential pros of leaving. We often ask ourselves, is this bad enough that I need to make a change? When we could be asking, is this situation good enough that I can’t make it better? There is no need to wait for workplace toxicity to become extremely problematic before addressing it.
Q: What can I do to deal with my job stress right now?
Whether you run a workplace or are employed by one, it is always good practice to reflect on the emotional safety — or lack thereof of the environment.
Upon reflection, if you determine your workplace to be emotionally unsafe, you might consider raising these issues with someone at work who can bring about change, i.e., human resources, boss, shift leader, etc. This is particularly vital for those experiencing any form of abuse at their workplace (as mentioned above re: the cycle of violence).
It is also useful to recognize that you are not alone with your work stress. I’d encourage anyone to speak with friends, family, co-workers, or other loved ones whom you feel safe venting to and/or seeking advice from. These supports might even help you with your decision-making on either navigating or exiting the job.
It is important to remember that work is not your everything and to value nurturing a healthy work-life balance. Self-care outside of work is a must for tending to the health of your mind, body, and (for some) spirit. Make a list of activities that fuel you, rather than drain you, and schedule non-negotiable time for them.
Q: What can therapy do for me?
Therapy is another great way to feel supported in managing or moving away from toxic work environments.
This is a unique type of support since we, as therapists, can apply professional and personal knowledge to your cases without the emotional biases that your loved ones undoubtedly hold for you.
By relating clients’ toxic work environments to the cycle of violence, I have watched people gain a deeper understanding of their circumstances and make positive lifestyle changes - inside and outside of work. Therapy can ultimately empower individuals to feel in control in work environments that feel anything but that.
In the therapeutic environment, we hold a safe and non-judgmental space to help you work through the nuances of a toxic work environment, at whatever pace works for you.
Whatever it is, we’re here for you.
Life is uncertain. Jobs are stressful. Parenting is hard. Relationships take work. Families can be dysfunctional. And sometimes, love hurts. When you’re confronted by feelings, events, or issues that are making your life challenging, it’s okay to ask for some help.
