How Healthy is Your Relationship?
Relationship Check-Up Questionnaire and Results
How are you feeling within your relationship? Do you know what you would like to work on or what needs your immediate attention? And, more importantly, does what you think and feel about your relationship in-sync with your partner’s thoughts and feelings?
This questionnaire will help you recognize your relationship strengths and which areas of your relationship are in need of improvement.
REMINDER: Please keep track of your responses! You will need this after you submit your questionnaire to get your results which are detailed below.
Relationship Check-Up Questionnaire Results
If you have completed our Relationship Check-Up Questionnaire, here are your results!
If you mostly answered “this is going WELL.”
Congratulations!
Your responses indicate that many aspects of your relationship are currently in a healthy state. This indicates that you and your partner are doing well in terms of your shared beliefs and values, communication, finances and household and intimacy. You likely have a strong foundation for a fulfilling partnership.
However, even in healthy relationships, there is always room for growth and improvement. Consider continuing to nurture and strengthen these positive aspects while also being mindful of any areas that could benefit from further attention or communication. Remember, maintaining a healthy relationship requires ongoing effort and communication from both partners. Keep the lines of communication open, continue to support each other, and celebrate your successes together.
If you mostly answered “this is going OKAY.”
Welcome to the club.
You're not alone in experiencing the normal challenges of maintaining a healthy relationship. Your responses indicate that while many aspects of your relationship are functioning adequately, there may be room for improvement in certain areas. It's positive that you recognize areas where there could be enhancements, as this awareness is essential for growth and development within your relationship. And, let’s face it, as we go through the phases, stages and challenges of life, we change and grow as individuals and as couples. This is completely normal. But, there’s a difference between growing together and growing apart.
It’s important to be open with your partner. Together, you can identify strategies and make concerted efforts to strengthen these aspects of your relationship. Remember, collaborating to address those areas that are 'going okay' can help prevent them from becoming potential sources of conflict or dissatisfaction in the future. By actively working together to improve these aspects, you can continue to foster a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
If you mostly answered “this is NOT going well.”
Sounds like you’re having a rough time.
Your responses indicate that you are currently experiencing many challenges or difficulties within several aspects of your relationship. It's essential to acknowledge these areas of concern as they are obviously impacting the overall health and satisfaction of not only your relationship but your mental health and personal well-being. While facing challenges can feel daunting, it’s important to remember that ‘nothing changes if nothing changes’. If you want to change the way you feel within your relationship, you will have to take action and view this as an opportunity for growth and improvement.
It’s important to discuss your concerns with your partner sooner rather than later. It’s easy to get stuck in patterns with your partner that lead to unhealthy behaviours and destructive habits. Eventually these patterns, behaviours and habits cause damage to the health of your relationship. It’s a lot like smoking. One cigarette leads to another and before you know it, you’re hooked. Then you start to see the symptoms of that unhealthy behaviour and you know that you have to quit if you want to extend the quality and duration of your life. These unhealthy patterns, habits and destructive habits you have as individuals AND share as a couple - if not addressed - will only worsen and could eventually cause irreparable harm to your relationship.
Here’s where you choose. By choosing to address the areas where things are not going well, you can take proactive steps to build a healthier and more fulfilling relationship. If you are and your partner are willing to explore potential solutions together and seek outside support if necessary, you can work towards addressing and resolving your specific challenges. Facing these challenges together can strengthen your bond as a couple and lead to a deeper understanding and appreciation of each other.
If you mostly answered “this is a PRIORITY for improvement.”
You’re in an unhealthy relationship… but you already knew that.
Trust your gut. You know something is wrong. Your responses indicate that there are multiple areas within your relationship that need significant improvement. It's essential to address what is going on in your relationship especially if it is impacting your mental health, overall well-being and especially your safety. Even though addressing the challenges you are experiencing within your relationship can feel overwhelming or even scary, it’s important to remember that everyone deserves to be in a relationship that is respectful, safe and nurturing. If you’re suffering, it’s time to take action.
Recognizing your priorities is the first step towards positive change and growth, but if your relationship is important to you, that means you BOTH have to fight for it. Identifying areas for improvement is an opportunity to strengthen your relationship and enhance your overall satisfaction and happiness as a couple. By prioritizing these aspects and actively working towards improvement, you can build a stronger foundation for a healthier and more fulfilling relationship. It's crucial that you address these areas with sincerity and commitment, and set aside the dedicated time and effort to work on these priorities together. You will need open and honest communication, mutual understanding, and a willingness to make the necessary changes key to successfully addressing your concerns.
However if you’re worried your relationship has reached a point of no return - or your relationship is abusive and your safety is at risk - it may be time and it’s okay, to walk away. It can be very challenging at the beginning of a relationship to know if someone is abusive or will turn violent - and it’s important that you not feel responsible or shame. If you feel unsafe or uncomfortable to address issues with your partner, or your partner is overly dismissive or defensive of their behaviour - these are red flags. Both partners must be willing to change and if only one partner is invested in creating healthy patterns, there is unfortunately, little likelihood that change will occur.
Please, if you are in an escalating abusive or violent relationship, it is important to get help from experienced professionals who can guide you. The most important thing - especially if children are involved - is your safety.
If you mostly answered “this is NOT going well” and “this is a PRIORITY for improvement” in these areas…
Despite mostly positive responses, there are still several areas within a relationship that may warrant immediate attention and improvement. Addressing these areas of concern promptly and proactively will prevent them from escalating into more significant issues. You will need open communication, empathy, and a willingness to work together, and maybe some professional help , to address these concerns effectively.
Communication patterns:
Even if you mostly rated communication positively, any signs of frequent misunderstandings, conflicts being avoided rather than resolved, or one partner dominating conversations could indicate underlying issues that need addressing.
Resentment or unresolved issues:
Despite positive overall ratings, lingering resentment or unresolved issues from the past could undermine the health of the relationship. It's crucial to address any lingering grievances and work towards forgiveness and resolution.
Emotional intimacy:
While one partner may feel satisfied with the level of emotional intimacy, it's essential to ensure that both partners feel truly connected and emotionally supported. Lack of emotional intimacy can lead to feelings of loneliness or disconnect within the relationship.
Sexual satisfaction:
Even if you rate your sexual relationship positively, any signs of dissatisfaction or mismatched libidos should be addressed promptly. Sexual intimacy is an essential aspect of many relationships, and unresolved issues in this area can lead to frustration and dissatisfaction.
Unhealthy patterns or habits:
Any signs of unhealthy patterns or habits such as substance abuse, excessive control, or emotional manipulation should be addressed immediately. These behaviors can erode trust and damage the foundation of the relationship.
Neglecting individual needs:
In some relationships, one partner prioritizes the overall health of the relationship while neglecting their own individual needs or well-being. It's essential for both partners to prioritize self-care and ensure their own needs are being met in addition to nurturing the relationship.
External stressors:
Financial difficulties, work-related stress, or family conflicts can impact the health of any relationship, even if you’ve rated your relationship positively. It's important to address these stressors before they take priority over your relationship.
Are you and your partner in-sync?
So now that you’ve taken the questionnaire, how aligned are your responses with your partner’s? No one should expect a “perfect score.” It’s perfectly normal and okay to have differing perceptions or feelings about certain aspects of your relationship. On the other hand, if you do not share the same thoughts and feelings in many areas of your relationship, this could indicate that there are potentially harmful areas of misalignment or discord. This lack of agreement on the state and health of your relationship may highlight differing perceptions, priorities, or needs between you and your partner that you have not talked about. Being aware and then addressing these discrepancies is crucial for fostering mutual understanding, communication, and ultimately, strengthening your relationship.
Here are some steps and advice to consider:
Be open and honest in communicating. Try to discuss each other’s individual responses to the questionnaire without judgment or defensiveness. It’s important to create a safe and supportive space for each of you to express your thoughts, feelings, and concerns regarding the areas where you disagree both openly and honestly.
Actively listen and show empathy. It’s important to practice active listening to fully understand each other's perspectives and experiences. Put your phones down, get some privacy and give yourselves the time to listen. Show empathy towards your partner's feelings and concerns, by putting yourselves in each other’s shoes, even if they differ from your own.
Try to seek some common ground. Identify your areas of agreement and shared values within the relationship. Now focus on finding common goals and priorities that you are committed towards working on together. You will both have to be willing to negotiate and compromise on those areas where there are differences in opinion or priority. Then it’s about collaborating on developing the strategies and action plans needed to address the shared and identified areas for improvement.
Commit to continuous growth and reflection. It’s important to recognize that relationships require ongoing effort, growth, and adaptation. By committing to regular check-ins and reflections on the health of your relationship, you can acknowledge the progress being made and those areas still in need of attention.
It's important as a couple to approach these discussions with patience, empathy, and a shared commitment to the well-being of your relationship. By addressing your differences constructively and working together towards common goals, you can strengthen your bond, deepen your understanding of each other, and ultimately cultivate a healthier and more fulfilling relationship.
It’s okay to get some help.
You’re not a failure as a couple if you and your partner need professional support. Consider seeking the guidance of a couples therapist or counsellor who can provide objective insights, facilitate communication, and offer strategies for resolving conflicts in a healthy way. The ultimate goal of couples counselling is to help each partner achieve a sense of safety, satisfaction, and comfort in the relationship.
Even, if you’re worried your relationship is beyond repair, couples therapy can be an opportunity to explore and learn new ways of communicating with each other, seeing and being with each other. Through therapy, couples can learn how to relate to each other in healthier ways as they work towards creating a nurturing, respectful and mutually satisfying relationship.
And, even if your partner is hesitant to try couples counselling, you could consider individual therapy first. Therapy can be a beneficial way for you to address any underlying issues or personal challenges that have been impacting you and your relationship. By working on your own self-improvement and personal growth, these positive changes are worthwhile to your overall mental health and well-being.
Whatever it is, we’re here for you.
Life is uncertain. Jobs are stressful. Parenting is hard. Relationships take work. Families can be dysfunctional. And sometimes, love hurts. When you’re confronted by feelings, events, or issues that are making your life challenging, it’s okay to ask for some help.
