Summer Love, Millennials and Gen Z
Q&A with a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying)
What is it like to navigate relationships as a Gen Z or Millennial?
This week, we spoke with Delaney Davis, a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) here at Peachey Counselling, to get her thoughts on the matter. For everyone who is not quite sure if they are a Gen Z or Millennial, here is a break down:
Generation Z are those born 1997 to 2009
Millennials are those born 1981 to 1996
Q: How do you think that the pandemic affected young individuals (relationships, self-esteem, social skills)?
A: I believe that the pandemic has shifted the way we connect as a whole society. It has completely altered how we stay connected and form new relationships as a society. We went from being able to go out and see friends, family, and partners in person, to only seeing them through a computer screen.
When it comes to forming new connections and relationships, the single Gen Z or Millennial’s first instinct is to reach for their phone and open a dating app, such as Tinder, Bumble, or Hinge (to name a few). This has caused a rise in social anxiety, causing young individuals to feel less confident when meeting a person face to face. We have adjusted to having to connect virtually through technology, and in its place, many may now lack the skills to connect effectively in person.
Q: How do you think the new generation (millennials and Gen Z) navigate relationships differently then their parents’ generation? What are the new stressors/influences that they experience that their parents did not?
A: I feel as though there has been a shift in the way the new generation navigates and views relationships from how older generations have in the past. Millennials and Gen Z’s are less likely to settle down and get married younger. The priorities have shifted—most of our parents were married with children in their early 20’s.
Today, most millennials and Gen Z’s are still in school in their 20’s and are not getting married till their late 20’s or 30’s, with many in this generation also saying a huge “no, thank you” to marriage. There is an increase in common law relationships and open relationships slowly rising. For example, since 1981 there has been a three-fold increase in common-law relationships in Canada (The Daily — Families, households and marital status: Key results from the 2016 Census (statcan.gc.ca). Because of these factors, the idea of marriage and “settling down” as a Gen Z or Millennial can look a lot different then their parents’ generation.
Q: Do you think that online dating apps and social media has affected modern-day relationships? If yes, how do you think it is affected?
A: Absolutely! I think social media has completely changed how we form new relationships and connections, how we interact with each other, the pressures of relationships and self-esteem/confidence in ourselves. Individuals’ confidence regarding virtual communication has increased because people are more comfortable with expressing themselves or taking bigger risks within relationships when they are not face to face with the person.
On the flip side, it has also increased individuals “first date anxiety” and made if trickier for people to have in-person conversations, ultimately making it harder to form genuine connections. If we were to look back or ask our parents how they met, 9/10 times the answer would be through work, at a bar, a park or in-person. Where its more common today if you where to ask your friend how they met their partner, 5/10 times it would be through a dating app or site. I believe part of this shift to online dating is also because we know are so heightened to believe “stranger danger” when someone comes up to us at a bar or in public increasing anxiety around meeting face to face.
Q: It seems that many Gen Z’ers are more worried about university, job prospects and financial stability than finding a partner. How do you think the pandemic has affected this ideology?
A: As we have spoken about various times before in previous Q&A’s, the pandemic has affected us in more ways than one, and relationships are most definitely not exempt from this. It is a fact that many Gen Z’ers seem to be more interested in life without the necessity of having a partner. They are more likely to desire other things in their early twenties, and leave finding a partner to later in life.
I can see that the pandemic could affect this ideology in two polarized ways – either it causes individuals to seek out a relationship more (usually out of loneliness from isolation), or they dive headfirst into their career or schooling goals because they have so much extra time from the lack of social obligations.
Either option can be good or bad, given the situation and the individual. For example, you may be a person who was very driven and hard working towards your goals before the pandemic, but with the lack of social obligations (and perhaps, remote working), you find yourself with so much more time on your hands to develop your career even more. Perhaps you become the entrepreneur you always dreamed of, or you dive headfirst into your job and schooling. Perhaps you take on extra side projects, help in a family business you had no time for before, or you start a new online schooling program. For this individual, when is there time to find a mate? Be careful to ensure that although you may be making strides in your career, you may be setting yourself back in the social or familial arena.
On the other end of the spectrum, many Gen Z’ers may find themselves with more time on their hands, but without a job to fill it. It is obvious that the job market took a hit with the onset of the pandemic, and many young people may find themselves disheartened, uninspired, and un-motivated. In this instance, they may be turning to relationships from online dating services to fill the void of loneliness they may feel. The increased use of social media can also lead to feelings of loneliness, as individuals may fall into the trap of endlessly scrolling through pictures of happy couples and families together.
Q: In terms of online dating, how does the ugly side of socials affect people’s mental health?
A: When I think of the “ugly” side of online dating, the first thing that comes to my mind is when people get “ghosted.” If you are not aware of this term in an online-dating context, it refers to when you are talking to someone over text and they suddenly stop responding, and (in essence), you never hear from them again. Let us say you just started on an online dating app. You are having a wonderful conversation over text with someone you were matched with. The conversation is going better then you expected, and you feel like you are really connecting with this person. Then, suddenly – nothing. They stop responding. You may try to connect with them again, but to no avail, as they have seemingly tossed you from their minds.
This is the ugly side of online dating. And what a truly ugly side it is. If we think about “ghosting” and its affect on the mental health of young people, the first thing that comes to mind is self-esteem. It is often remarked that you must have a “thick skin” while dating, but not even being given the common decency of a text to end things can be quite disheartening when young people are taking part in online dating. A recent study completed last year looked at the effects of SBDA (Swipe-Based Dating Apps) on an individual’s likelihood of reporting psychological stress. The results were conclusive – those individuals who used SBDA reported higher levels of depression, anxiety and distress compared with those who do not use these apps. In addition to this, the distribution of ages for those who use the popular SBDA Tinder, reveals that their greatest usage comes from individuals between the ages of 18-44.
Unfortunately, it seems that young people have a great deal to combat in this arena.
Q: What are some things that a social worker, counsellor, therapist can do to help?
A: Therapists can help to provide guidance and reassurance to millennials and Gen Z’s as they navigate the complicated landscape of dating in the 21st century. Therapists can help to establish positive habits, outlooks, and prepare clients with the tools to maintain self-esteem.
Whatever it is, we’re here for you.
Life is uncertain. Jobs are stressful. Parenting is hard. Relationships take work. Families can be dysfunctional. And, sometimes love hurts. When you’re confronted by feelings, events, or issues that are making your life challenging, it’s okay to ask for some help.
