Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Couples Counselling
Q&A with our Couples Counselling Therapy Team
Navigating the ups and downs of being a couple is like riding a rollercoaster together – thrilling, but sometimes a bit overwhelming or even scary. As we journey through life, each of us grows and changes, chasing dreams, facing challenges, and discovering new passions along the way.
But here's the thing: while it's natural to evolve as individuals, our relationship with our partner requires tending to like a garden – you can't just plant the seeds and expect them to bloom without any care. You’ve got to put in the time, effort, and love to nurture your connection, even when life gets busy or throws us a curveball. Because at the end of the day, it's the little everyday moments of laughter, support, and understanding that keep us growing together instead of growing apart.
We spoke to our Couples Counselling Therapy Team about the many questions that are asked about couples counselling and what you can do - both as individuals and partners - to improve and maintain the health of your relationship.
Q: What is couples counselling?
A: Couples counselling, also known as couples therapy or marriage counselling, is a type of psychotherapy that focuses on improving the relationship between two partners.
It involves meeting with a trained psychotherapist, registered social worker or counsellor who specializes in working with couples to address various issues and challenges they may be facing in their relationship.
The goals of couples counselling typically include:
Improving communication: Couples learn effective communication skills to express their thoughts, feelings, and needs more clearly and openly with each other.
Resolving conflicts: The therapist helps couples identify underlying issues and patterns of conflict, and teaches strategies to resolve disagreements in a healthy and constructive manner.
Building intimacy and connection: Couples work on strengthening emotional and physical intimacy, deepening their connection, and rekindling their bond.
Addressing specific issues: Couples counselling can help address a wide range of issues, including infidelity, trust issues, financial conflicts, parenting disagreements, sexual problems, and more.
Overall, couples counselling provides a supportive and non-judgmental space for couples to explore their relationship dynamics, gain insight into their patterns of interaction, and develop the skills and tools needed to create a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling partnership.
Q: Do you have to be married to go to couples counselling?
A: No. Couples counselling is open to any two individuals who are in a committed relationship, whether they are dating, engaged, cohabiting, married, or in any other form of partnership.
The focus of couples counselling is on improving the relationship dynamics and addressing challenges that arise in the relationship, regardless of the legal or formal status of the partnership.
Couples counselling can be beneficial for couples at any stage of their relationship, including those who are considering marriage, experiencing relationship difficulties, or simply seeking to strengthen their bond. The key requirement is a willingness from both partners to actively participate in the counselling process and work towards resolving issues and improving their relationship.
Q: How can couples counselling help to improve communication in our relationship?
A: Couples counselling provides a structured, supportive and safe environment for partners to explore and improve their communication patterns.
Communication is a fundamental aspect of any relationship, serving as the foundation for connection, understanding, and problem-solving. However, many couples struggle with effective communication, leading to misunderstandings, conflicts, and feelings of frustration or disconnection.
Couples counselling helps you to:
Identify communication patterns: Therapy can help you to recognize your existing communication patterns, including both verbal and nonverbal cues. By becoming aware of these patterns, you can identify areas for improvement and better understand how your communication style as a couple impacts your relationship dynamics.
Learn active listening skills: Effective communication involves not only expressing oneself but also actively listening to and understanding your partner's perspective. Couples counselling teaches techniques for active listening, such as paraphrasing, summarizing, and validating emotions, which promote deeper understanding and empathy.
Express feelings and needs assertively: Many conflicts arise from difficulties in expressing how we feel to our partner without resorting to criticism, defensiveness, or blame. Couples counselling provides you with the guidance to express yourself in a clear, respectful, and non-confrontational manner, which fosters a safe space for open and honest communication.
Resolve conflicts constructively: Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but how you navigate and resolve conflicts as a couple can significantly impact your relationship. Couples counselling teaches strategies for resolving conflicts constructively, such as active problem-solving, compromise, and negotiation. Your therapist will facilitate productive discussions, helping you to address any underlying issues so you can find mutually acceptable solutions.
Improve nonverbal communication: Nonverbal cues, such as body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions, play a crucial role in communication. Couples counselling can help you to become more attuned to the nonverbal signals you share, promoting greater awareness and understanding of each other's emotions and intentions.
Build trust and intimacy: Effective communication fosters trust, vulnerability, and emotional intimacy within a relationship. Couples counselling provides a platform for you to deepen your connection by sharing openly, listening empathically, and validating each other's experiences and feelings.
Overall, couples counselling empowers you with the skills and tools needed to communicate more effectively, strengthen your bond, and navigate challenges together with greater understanding and harmony. By improving communication, you can cultivate a healthier and more fulfilling relationship built on mutual respect, trust, and connection.
Q: How do I know if couples counselling is right for us?
A: Deciding whether couples counselling is the right choice for you and your partner involves you answering the following question… do you feel satisfied and safe in your relationship?
No relationship is perfect but whether or not couples counselling is right for you is carefully considering your relationship dynamics, challenges, and goals.
Here are some factors to consider:
Identify your relationship challenges: Couples counselling can be beneficial if you and your partner are experiencing difficulties or challenges in your relationship that you've been unable to resolve on your own. These challenges may include communication breakdowns, frequent conflicts, trust issues, lack of intimacy, or major life transitions.
Assess your readiness for change: It's important for both partners to be open and willing to actively participate in the counselling process and make changes to improve the relationship. Couples counselling requires a commitment to self-reflection, growth, and taking responsibility for one's actions and contributions to the relationship dynamics.
Clarify your goals for counselling: Before starting couples counselling, it's helpful to clarify your goals and expectations for the process. What do you hope to achieve? Are you seeking to improve communication, resolve conflicts, rebuild trust, strengthen intimacy, or address specific issues? Discussing these goals with each other helps ensure that you're both on the same page and committed to working towards a common objective.
Explore your motivation for counselling: Are you genuinely interested in improving the relationship and willing to invest time and effort into the counselling process? Or are you feeling pressured by external factors, such as family or friends, to attend counselling? It's important to engage in counselling with a genuine desire to work on the relationship and make positive changes.
Assess your level of commitment: Couples counselling requires a significant commitment of time, energy, and emotional investment from both partners. It's essential to assess whether you and your partner are willing to prioritize counselling sessions, actively participate in homework assignments, and engage in difficult conversations with openness and vulnerability.
Consider the potential benefits: Reflect on the potential benefits of couples counselling for your relationship. Counselling can provide a safe and supportive space for you to explore underlying issues, improve communication skills, learn effective conflict resolution strategies, and strengthen your emotional bond. By addressing your challenges early on and seeking professional guidance, you can enhance your relationship satisfaction and build a stronger foundation for the future.
Ultimately, the decision to pursue couples counselling should be made collaboratively, with both partners feeling empowered and motivated to work towards positive changes. If you're unsure whether couples counselling is right for you, consider scheduling an initial consultation with a couples therapist to discuss your concerns, explore your options, and determine the best course of action for your relationship.
Q: What if my partner is not interested in couples counselling?
A: It's essential to approach the situation with empathy, understanding, and open communication.
If your partner is not interested in couples counselling, it can understandably feel challenging and disheartening. But that doesn’t mean that your relationship is over or there is no opportunity for improvement within your relationship.
Here are some steps you can take:
Express your feelings: Share your thoughts and feelings with your partner in a calm and non-confrontational manner. Let them know why you believe couples counselling could be beneficial for your relationship and how it could help address the challenges you're facing.
Listen to their perspective: Be open to hearing your partner's concerns and reservations about couples counselling. They may have valid reasons for their reluctance, such as fear of judgement, skepticism about therapy, or a discomfort with discussing personal issues with a stranger. Listening to their perspective can help you better understand their viewpoint and find common ground.
Explore their concerns: Take the time to explore your partner's concerns and address any misconceptions or fears they may have about couples counselling. Offer reassurance that therapy is a collaborative and supportive process aimed at improving the relationship, rather than placing blame or assigning fault.
Highlight the benefits: Educate your partner about the potential benefits of couples counselling, such as improved communication, enhanced intimacy, better conflict resolution skills, and a deeper understanding of each other's needs and perspectives. Help them envision how counselling could positively impact your relationship and contribute to its long-term health and happiness.
Offer compromises: If your partner is hesitant to commit to traditional (in-person) couples counselling, suggest alternative options that may feel more comfortable for them, such as online counselling, couples workshops, relationship coaching, or self-help resources. Be flexible and willing to explore different approaches that align with both of your preferences and needs.
Seek support for yourself: If your partner remains unwilling to participate in couples counselling, consider seeking individual therapy for yourself to address your own needs, gain clarity on your relationship dynamics, and explore strategies for coping with relationship challenges. While couples counselling is most effective when both partners are actively engaged, individual therapy can still provide valuable insights and support for navigating difficult relationship dynamics.
Ultimately, it's important to approach the situation with patience, empathy, and a willingness to collaborate with your partner in finding solutions that work for both of you. Keep the lines of communication open, prioritize mutual respect and understanding, and remain hopeful that with time and effort, your partner may become more open to the idea of couples counselling.
Q: Can couples counselling make things worse in my relationship?
A: While couples counselling is generally intended to improve relationship dynamics and address challenges, couples counselling is not a easy or guaranteed way to ‘fix’ a relationship.
It's understandable to have concerns about whether couples counselling could potentially make things worse in your relationship. And, we’re not going to lie, sometimes things do get worse before they get better and sometimes things don’t get better. It all depends on a number of factors and your specific situation.
Here’s some things to consider:
Temporary discomfort: It's not uncommon for couples counselling to bring up difficult emotions, unresolved issues, or long-standing patterns of behaviour that may initially cause discomfort or tension in your relationship. However, this discomfort is often a natural part of the therapeutic process as you work through any underlying issues and learn healthier ways of relating to each other.
Temporary increase in conflict: As you begin to address deep-seated issues and learn new communication skills, there may be a temporary increase in conflict or disagreement as you navigate changes in your relationship dynamics. This can be challenging but is often a sign that underlying issues are being addressed and progress is being made towards resolution.
Mismatched expectations: Sometimes, couples enter counselling with different expectations or goals, which can lead to frustration or disappointment if those expectations are not met. It's important for you to communicate openly with each other and your therapist about your goals for counselling and to be flexible in adjusting those goals as needed.
Unresolved issues: In some cases, couples counselling may uncover underlying issues or dynamics that were previously unrecognized or ignored. While this can be challenging to confront, it provides an opportunity for growth and healing as you work together to address these issues and create healthier relationship patterns.
Lack of commitment: Couples counselling is most effective when both partners are committed to the process and willing to actively participate in therapy. If one or both partners are not fully invested in counselling or unwilling to make changes, it hinders progress and leads to frustration or dissatisfaction with the therapy process.
Overall, while there may be challenges or temporary setbacks in couples counselling, it's important to remember that the ultimate goal is to improve the health and happiness of your relationship. With the guidance of a skilled therapist and a commitment from both partners to work towards positive change, couples counselling can be a valuable tool for strengthening your relationship and fostering greater understanding, intimacy, and connection. If you have concerns about the potential risks of couples counselling, it's important to discuss them openly with your partner and therapist to address any reservations to ensure that counselling is a positive and productive experience for both of you.
Q: What qualifications and experience should we look for in a couples counsellor or therapist?
A: If you are a resident of Ontario, the first thing you should do is look for a qualified therapist with specialized training and experience in couples counselling who is registered to practice within Ontario.
Not all couples counsellors or services are the same.
It’s important to consider the following:
Registration and Credentials: Look for a counsellor who is registered to practice therapy in your province and country. This ensures that they have met the necessary educational and training requirements to provide counselling services ethically and effectively. Common credentials for therapists include: Registered Social Worker, Registered Psychotherapist Qualifying, Registered Psychotherapist, Canadian Certified Counsellor, Registered Marriage and Family Therapist, Marriage Counsellor or Couples Therapist amongst others. It also ensures that any extended health insurance you have will cover the services you receive - as they will NOT cover therapy provided by anyone other than an accredited therapist.
Specialization in Couples Counselling: Seek a counsellor who specializes in couples therapy or marriage counselling. Specialization in this area indicates that the therapist has received specialized training and has experience working with couples to address relationship issues. Couples counselling requires a unique set of skills and techniques tailored to the dynamics of intimate partnerships, so it's important to choose a therapist who has expertise in this area.
Experience and Track Record: Consider the therapist's level of experience and track record in providing couples counselling. Look for someone who has a proven track record of helping couples improve their relationships and achieve positive outcomes. You may ask the therapist about their experience working with couples, their success rate, and any specific approaches or techniques they use in therapy.
Approach and Philosophy: Different therapists use different approaches in their work with couples. Some common approaches to couples counselling include Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Gottman Method Couples Therapy, and Cognitive Behavioral Couples Therapy. Consider whether the therapist's approach aligns with your preferences and goals for therapy, and inquire about their therapeutic philosophy and how they approach working with couples.
Continuing Education and Training: Look for a counsellor who participates in ongoing education and training to stay current with developments in the field of couples therapy. Continuing education demonstrates a commitment to professional growth and ensures that the therapist is equipped with the latest evidence-based techniques and interventions.
.Compatibility and Rapport: And lastly, it’s important to consider your therapist's interpersonal style and whether you feel comfortable and supported in their presence. Building a strong therapeutic relationship with your therapist is essential for the success of couples counselling. Trust your instincts and choose a therapist with whom you feel a sense of rapport, understanding, and mutual respect.
Overall, selecting a qualified and experienced couples counsellor who aligns with your needs, preferences, and goals is essential for a positive and productive therapeutic experience. Take the time to research potential therapists, ask questions, and trust your intuition when making your decision.
Q: What should we expect during our first couples counselling session?
A: During your first session, your therapist will ask about your relationship history, current challenges, and goals for counselling.
This is your opportunity to share your perspectives in a safe and supportive environment.
Typically, you can expect:
Introduction and Orientation: Your first session typically begins with introductions between you and your therapist. Your therapist may provide an overview of the couples counselling process, including confidentiality policies, and session structure. This initial orientation helps set the stage for a productive and collaborative therapeutic relationship.
Assessment and History-Taking: Your therapist will then likely ask questions to gather information about your relationship history, current challenges, and goals for counselling. This may involve discussing how you met, your relationship milestones, major life events, and any previous attempts to address relationship issues. Providing this background helps your therapist gain a comprehensive understanding of your dynamics as a couple and tailor a counselling approach to your specific needs.
Exploring Concerns and Expectations: Your will be encouraged to share your concerns, frustrations, and hopes for counselling. Your therapist should create a safe and supportive space for you to express yourselves openly and honestly, without fear of judgement or criticism. This discussion will help identify the primary areas of focus for therapy and establishes common goals for you to work towards together.
Assessment of Relationship Dynamics: Your therapist will observe your interaction and communication patterns during the session to assess relationship dynamics and identify areas for improvement. This may involve noting patterns of conflict, emotional expression, and nonverbal communication cues. Understanding these dynamics will help your therapist to tailor interventions and strategies to address your specific needs.
Setting Ground Rules and Expectations: Most therapists establish ground rules and expectations for communication and behavior during counselling sessions. This may include guidelines for respectful communication, active listening, and taking turns speaking. Setting these clear expectations creates a supportive and structured environment for productive discussions and problem-solving.
Initial Goal Setting: Towards the end of the first session, you and your therapist will collaborate to set initial goals for counselling based on the concerns and priorities identified. These goals serve as your roadmap for therapy and provide a framework for measuring progress over time. Setting achievable and realistic goals will help you stay motivated and focused on positive change.
Overall, the first couples counselling session is an opportunity for you to establish a rapport with your therapist, explore your concerns and expectations for therapy, and lay the groundwork for a collaborative and constructive therapeutic process. While every counselling experience is unique, couples can expect the first session to provide a foundation for addressing relationship challenges and working towards a healthier and more fulfilling partnership.
Q: How long does couples counselling typically last, and how often would we need to attend couples counselling sessions?
A: The duration of couples counselling can vary depending on the complexity of the issues being addressed, the goals of therapy, and the progress being made.
Some couples may benefit from short-term counselling focused on addressing specific issues or concerns, while others may require longer-term therapy to explore deeper relationship dynamics and make lasting changes. On average, couples counselling may range from a few sessions to several months or even longer, depending on the individual needs and circumstances you have.
The frequency of sessions for couples counselling are typically scheduled on a weekly or biweekly basis, although the frequency will vary depending on your preferences, your budget, and the availability of your therapist. Weekly sessions are often recommended initially to establish momentum, build rapport your therapist, and to address pressing issues more effectively. As progress is made and you begin to feel more confident in your communication and problem-solving skills, the frequency of sessions may decrease to biweekly, monthly or even quarterly appointments.
Overall, the frequency and duration of counselling will be adjusted as needed based on your progress, evolving needs, and changing circumstances. Your therapist will work collaboratively with you to assess your progress, discuss any challenges or concerns, and make adjustments to your plan as necessary. We believe in flexibility in scheduling and session frequency allows you to adapt to changes in your relationship dynamics and maintain the momentum of therapy over time.
What’s important to consider is that consistency and commitment in attending counselling sessions are important factors in the effectiveness of couples therapy. Regular attendance allows you to maintain momentum, stay focused on your goals, and build upon the insights and skills gained in each session. Missing sessions or inconsistency in attendance can disrupt the therapeutic process and hinder progress, so it's important for you to prioritize your appointments and make a concerted effort to attend regularly.
Q: How much does couples counselling cost, and will our insurance cover it?
A: The cost of couples counselling varies depending on a number of factors.
The cost of couples counselling will vary depending on the type of therapy provided, the therapist's qualifications and session length. Overall, our rates for general therapeutic services vary from $75 - $175 CDN per session which reflects the expertise of our therapists and the diversity of the specialized services we offer.
As far as insurance coverage for couples counselling, that will depend on the plan you have with your extended health insurance provider. Currently, Psychotherapy is NOT publicly funded under OHIP in Ontario, unless those services are provided by a Psychiatrist or a General Practitioner (GP). However, many workplace extended health care plans offer coverage for therapy services.
We strongly recommend that you check with your insurance provider (or employer) before starting therapy, to understand and verify what portion of couples counselling will be covered under your extended health benefits plan. For example, some insurance companies WILL cover services delivered by a Registered Social Worker (either with a MSW or RSW designation) but WILL NOT cover services provided by a Registered Psychotherapist (with either a RP or RP Qualifying designation).
It’s also important to note that any Psychotherapy services that are provided by a Registered Social Worker (with either a MSW or RSW designation) DOES qualify (as per Revenue Canada) as an income-tax deductible medical expense. However, any Psychotherapy services provided by a Registered Psychotherapist (with a RP or RP Qualifying designation) DOES NOT qualify as an income-tax deductible medical expense.
Q: Is couples counselling confidential, and are there any exceptions to confidentiality?
Yes, couples counselling is confidential, meaning that what is discussed in sessions remains private between you, your partner, and the therapist. However, there are legal and ethical exceptions to confidentiality to be aware of.
Couples counselling is typically confidential, meaning that the information discussed during therapy sessions is private and protected by ethical and legal standards. As registered therapists and counsellors, we are bound by our professional ethics and guidelines to maintain the confidentiality of our client’s personal information. These guidelines provide us with the professional standards for protecting client privacy, and handling exceptions to confidentiality in an ethical and responsible manner.
Some potential exceptions would include:
Imminent Risk of Harm: As therapists, if we believe that our client poses an imminent risk of harm to themselves or others, we may be required to take action to protect the safety of that individual or others at risk. This may involve breaking confidentiality to inform the appropriate authorities or take steps to ensure the client's safety.
Abuse or Neglect: Therapists are mandated reporters, meaning that we are required by law to report suspected cases of child abuse or neglect to the appropriate authorities.
Court Orders or Legal Requirements: In some cases, therapists may be required by law to disclose confidential information in response to a court order or subpoena. This typically occurs in legal proceedings such as divorce or custody battles, where the court requests access to therapy records or testimony from the therapist.
Consultation or Supervision: As therapists, we may consult with colleagues or supervisors about your case for supervision, or peer review purposes. While these consultations typically maintain client anonymity, they may involve discussing case details in a confidential setting.
Before beginning couples counselling, your therapist should discuss the limits of confidentiality with you and obtain your informed consent for treatment. This includes explaining the circumstances under which confidentiality may be breached and the potential consequences of such breaches. It’s important to have open communication with your therapist about any confidentiality concerns that you may have. You have the right to ask questions and seek clarification about confidentiality policies before agreeing to participate in therapy.
Q: What should we expect in couples counselling sessions? What will we have to do?
A: Overall, couples can expect to actively participate in the therapeutic process both during counselling sessions and through “homework” assignments designed to reinforce learning and promote positive changes in their relationship.
By engaging in therapy exercises and learning new skills, couples can enhance their communication, deepen their connection, and work towards a healthier and more fulfilling relationship.
Here are some examples of what to expect in couples counselling and some specific exercises or homework assignments you may be asked to do:
Exploration of Relationship Dynamics: Couples counselling sessions typically involve exploring your relationship dynamics, communication patterns, and areas of conflict or dissatisfaction. Your therapist will facilitate discussions to help you gain insight into your relationship and identify underlying issues contributing to your challenges or conflicts.
Communication Skills Building: A significant focus of couples counselling is on improving communication between partners. As therapists, we teach couples effective communication techniques, such as active listening, assertive expression of feelings and needs, and non-defensive responding. As a couple, you practice these skills during sessions through structured exercises and role-playing activities.
Conflict Resolution Strategies: Couples counselling often involves learning and practicing healthy conflict resolution strategies to address disagreements and conflicts constructively. As therapists, we teach couples techniques for managing conflict, such as setting ground rules for respectful communication, identifying common triggers, and negotiating compromises. As a couple, you will be asked to practice these strategies during sessions and apply them to real-life situations.
Emotional Expression and Validation: Your couples counsellor with encourage you to express your emotions openly and validate each other's feelings during sessions. As therapists, our goal is to create a safe and supportive environment for you to share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences without fear of judgement or criticism. You will be asked to engage in exercises designed to enhance emotional expression, empathy, and understanding.
Homework Assignments: In addition to activities conducted during counselling sessions, you may be assigned “homework” assignments to reinforce learning and to practice these new skills between sessions. Homework assignments are tailored to your specific needs and goals as a couple and may include:
Communication Exercises: You may be asked to practice active listening, assertive communication, or conflict resolution skills at home. This could involve structured conversations on specific topics or using communication prompts that you are provided.
Relationship Building Activities: You may be encouraged to engage in activities together that promote bonding, intimacy, and connection. This could include going on regular date nights, participating in shared hobbies or interests, or engaging in relationship-building exercises such as writing love letters or creating a shared vision for the future.
Journaling or Reflection: You may also be asked to journal about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences related to the counselling process. Journaling can help you process emotions, track progress, and identify patterns or insights that emerge during therapy.
Role Reversal Exercises: Sometimes, you may be assigned role-reversal exercises where you are asked to switch perspectives and consider a situation from your partner's point of view. This can promote empathy, understanding, and perspective-taking within the relationship.
Overall, these therapy exercises and homework, give you the opportunity to practice what you have learned and to use those new skills outside of sessions, as you work towards your goals as a couple.
Q: What happens if couples counselling doesn’t work for us?
A: While couples counselling can be effective for many couples in improving their relationship and resolving conflicts, it may not always lead to the originally desired outcome.
In cases where couples counselling fails to produce significant improvements in the relationship, couples may face difficult decisions about their future.
Here are some possible outcomes to consider:
The End of the Relationship: In some cases, despite the efforts made in couples counselling, some couples come to the realization that ending the relationship is the best course of action. This decision may be reached if there are irreconcilable differences, ongoing conflicts, or fundamental compatibility issues that cannot be resolved through therapy. Ending a relationship is a difficult and painful process, but it may be necessary for your long-term well-being and happiness.
Individual Growth and Healing: Even if couples counselling does not lead to reconciliation or a resolution of your relationship issues, it can still provide valuable opportunities for individual growth and healing. Therapy can help you gain insights into yourself, your relationship patterns, and your personal needs. This self-awareness is empowering and can give you the confidence you need when deciding whether you should stay in your relationship or move on.
Better Understanding and Closure: Even if the outcome of couples counselling is not what you had originally hoped for, it can still provide a sense of closure and better understanding about the reasons behind your relationship difficulties. Therapy can help you gain clarity about your priorities, values, and needs, allowing you to make more informed decisions about your future. This understanding can pave the way for amicable separations and smoother transitions if the relationship does end.
Continued Individual or Couples Therapy: If couples counselling does not lead to resolution, you can choose to pursue individual therapy or counselling separately to address personal issues. Individual therapy can provide a supportive space for processing emotions, gaining clarity, and exploring options for the future. Or, you can continue working on relationship issues from a different perspective by switching to another therapist or trying another therapeutic approach.
Reevaluation of Relationship Goals: Couples counselling can prompt couples to reevaluate their relationship goals and priorities. Even if your relationship does not continue in its current form, therapy can help you identify what you are looking for in a relationship and what you need to feel fulfilled and satisfied in your personal lives.
Ultimately, the decision about whether to continue with couples counselling or end the relationship is a deeply personal one that depends on the unique circumstances and dynamics of each couple.
Q: When is couples counselling not appropriate?
A: In cases where abuse is present, couples counselling may not be the most appropriate (or safe) for those involved.
When discussing the potential outcomes of couples counselling and the decision to end a relationship, it’s important to acknowledge that relationships that involve intimate partner violence or any other form of abuse require specialized attention and intervention.
First and foremost, if you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, you must remember that safety is key, and that abuse is NEVER acceptable or justified, in any situation.
Relationships involving intimate partner violence often have a significant power imbalance, with one partner exerting control and dominance over the other. Couples counselling may exacerbate this power dynamic and further endanger the safety of the victim. In such cases, individual counselling for both partners, with a focus on safety planning and empowerment for the victim, is more appropriate.
Individuals who have experienced abuse may also have complex trauma responses and emotional wounds that require a trauma-informed approach to therapy. Therapists working with survivors of abuse should have specialized training and experience in trauma recovery and be sensitive to the unique needs and challenges faced by survivors.
In addition to therapy, individuals experiencing abuse may benefit from accessing supportive services such as legal advocacy, housing assistance, financial support, and community resources. These services can provide essential support and assistance in navigating the challenges of leaving an abusive relationship and rebuilding their lives.
As well, the perpetrators of abuse must be held accountable for their actions and take responsibility for their behaviour. Couples counselling should never be used as a means to justify or minimize abusive behavior, nor should it place blame on the victim for the abuse. Instead, perpetrators of abuse should seek individual therapy or intervention programs specifically designed to address abusive behavior.
In summary, when discussing the potential outcomes of couples counselling and the decision to end a relationship, it's crucial to recognize the unique dynamics and complexities of relationships involving intimate partner violence or abuse. Safety, empowerment, and accountability should be prioritized, and individuals experiencing abuse should be supported in accessing the resources and interventions they need to protect themselves and move towards healing and recovery.
Please note that if you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 911, or you local emergency services (police, fire, ambulance).
In summary, couples counselling offers a valuable opportunity for you to strengthen your relationship, improve communication, and navigate challenges together with greater understanding and support. Through the guidance of a skilled therapist, you can learn effective communication skills, resolve conflicts constructively, and deepen your emotional connection. Couples counselling provides a safe and supportive environment for you to explore your relationship dynamics, address underlying issues, and work towards common goals. By investing in couples counselling, you can cultivate healthier and more fulfilling relationships, laying the foundation for long-term happiness and mutual support.
Whatever it is, we’re here for you.♡
Life is uncertain. Jobs are stressful. Parenting is hard. Relationships take work. Families can be dysfunctional. And sometimes, love hurts. When you’re confronted by feelings, events, or issues that are making your life challenging, it’s okay to ask for some help.
