The Kids Are Not Alright
Q&A with a Registered Social Worker
If you’re worried about your child’s mental health right now, you are not alone. Countless parents and caregivers are finding themselves confronted with the assortment of emotions that children are throwing their way. From a summer without access to childcare or summer camps, to a hybrid school year, Canadian parents are often wondering how their children actually feel about life at the moment. We interviewed Melissa Persadie, a Registered Social Worker from Peachey Counselling and Family Support, to grasp her thoughts on the subject and here is what she had to say.
Q: What sorts of challenges are our children facing right now?
A: In terms of specific challenges that are children are facing - there are many. Children are required to deal with and understand what this new version of school looks like. No longer are children trotting off to the school everyday to be greeted with hugs from their friends and sharing food at lunch. Teenagers in high schools across the province are facing unwelcome ambiguity when thinking about their futures – how will they succeed in this new virtual life?
During our “stay-at-home summer,” many children were negatively affected by the change to their normal routine. Their dreams of a normal summer cavorting with friends had come to an abrupt halt. Now in October, the trajectory of the virus and the affect it will have on our futures is still somewhat unknown. Children of divorced parents feel anxious about living with one parent and going to visit their other parents house. Is their anxiety warranted in this situation? Yes, many young clients have a reason to feel like this.
Q: What are some things that parents should be aware of?
A: Parents should aim to become more in touch with their children’s mental health. Adults need to understand that, just as they are, children are suffering from a lack of social interaction with friends and family. Children do not know how to deal with these events and will typically bottle up their feelings. Parents also need to be aware that their child may be struggling to verbalize their thoughts – they don’t know how to ask for help.
Parents also need to keep a vigilant lookout of the warning signs that their child may be displaying during this time:
Kids may become withdrawn from the family unit or not participate in activities they typically enjoy. Children may experience changes in their normal behavior – for example, many children have reported an increased difficulty sleeping. If you have a child who already has a pre-existing behavioural or developmental issue, these behaviors will be heightened during this time.
The transfer between online platforms and in person school is stressful for many young people, and we do not currently have enough resources available to support children with this transition. There is a considerable focus on receiving enough information/curriculum, meanwhile, there should also be a focus on mental health, and ensuring that children are capable and ready to learn.
Q: Will the pandemic have a long-term affect on our kids’ mental health?
A: It is hard to say whether the COVID-19 pandemic will have a long-term affect on our children’s mental health - it is very situational. It will most likely take a larger toll on children with pre-existing behavioural issues or those in unhealthy situations (poverty, abuse, domestic violence) who do not receive proper mental health support. However, stressors from the pandemic (financial, physical and social) may have far-reaching consequences on children’s development and mental health that we may not know the full consequences of until adulthood.
Q: What are some of your best tips for helping children right now?
A: Check in with your children often and ask them how they are feeling – be persistent. Don’t just assume that everything is okay because your child has not said anything. Likewise, make it known to your children that you value open communication, and there is nothing that they cannot talk about. You can be their safe space.
As per the Canadian government’s COVID-19 resources for parents and children, you can also support your child’s mental health by:
encouraging positive behaviours, as children are more likely to listen if they're given positive instructions and are praised for their efforts
limiting how often they watch or hear the news, if appropriate
encourage them to:
think of the positive things that happen each day
do things they enjoy, start a hobby or learn a new skill
talk to a trusted adult and ask for help if emotions become overwhelming
explaining health and safety measures and how they're keeping us safe
spending quality one-on-one time with each child and taking part in their preferred activities
one-on-one time makes children feel loved and secure, and shows them that they're important
playing and engaging with your children helps them learn, express their feelings and build self-confidence
if you're not in quarantine or isolation, get fresh air while keeping a distance of at least 6 feet from other people
working together to create a consistent but flexible daily routine
asking your children for input allows them to make decisions and builds their confidence
setting up a schedule that includes structured activities, physical activity, as well as free time helps children feel more secure
Q: When is it time to see a professional?
A: Therapy is important when your everyday life is becoming hindered by your thoughts or feelings. Oftentimes, individuals can feel as if their thoughts are becoming a barrier to life. If you have tried to address these inner workings and have been unsuccessful, therapy may be a good solution. If you believe your children are carrying a heavier burden then they should, connecting them with a therapist who seeks to understand their personal needs and help them to grow, may be one of the best decisions to make for your child.
The first step is to accept that there is something you want to change or improve. Your child needs you! Family sessions can be extremely helpful to open a communication channel between children and their parents. The importance of family sessions, is that everyone in the family unit is present.
Parents can show that they:
Are onboard with supporting their children and finding the best solution to make sure they feel better;
Are invested in making their children’s mental health a priority;
Are identifying the underlying problems their children are facing and coming up with a solution that works well for both parties.
Q: What is the most important thing you want parents to know?
A: Remember that you and your child are not alone! We often feel like we must push through by ourselves otherwise we may be perceived as weak by others – this just not true.
Whatever it is, we’re here for you.
Life is uncertain. Jobs are stressful. Parenting is hard. Relationships take work. Families can be dysfunctional. And sometimes, love hurts. When you’re confronted by feelings, events, or issues that are making your life challenging, it’s okay to ask for some help.
